Do You Make One Of These First Date Mistakes?
PUBLISHED ON March 11, 2015 |
Have you ever gone on what you thought was an awesome first date, only to never see that person again? At first, you think it must be "them" but time after time again, these dates just aren't going anywhere. After a while of being a serial first dater, you might want to look in the mirror and realize that you could be playing a huge part in your own dating demise.
The first date curse really sucks, but there's good news...it can be broken! Meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-wrecking, but if you've finally got a chance with a person that you've into, taking certain steps can go a long way in making a lasting impression. Maybe you're getting back into the dating game, and are just a little rusty? Avoid these little mistakes that men and women often make, and keep these helpful tips in mind to have a successful first date.
Dress For The Occasion
You only get one chance to make a great first impression. What you wear says a lot about you, and you want to make sure that you are looking your best. These tips for men and women will help you looking good, so you can feel good.
Shoes: A big thing for me is wearing nice, clean shoes. For men, it's important to wear nice shoes, because it's usually the first thing that a lady notices. It's a turn off for a guy to show up with flip flops on. It's an even bigger turn off, (and a faux pas) to wear tennis shoes with jeans. I literally shudder at the thought.
Clothes: Wear clean clothes with no holes. As a woman you don't want to dress too proactive, with a super tight dress, and high pumps. Keep it modest, so you leave a lot up to the imagination. My go to options for a first date are usually a nice blouse with jeans, or a cute loosely fitted dress.
Hygiene/Appearance: Hair should be clean and combed. Your breath should be minty fresh, and you should always bring some mints or gum with you. Your eyebrows should be groomed, and your lips should be moisturized with Chap-stick. Cracked, dry lips are something no one wants to imagine kissing. Ladies, skip out on the full blown makeup like fake eyelashes, because you do want to have some sense of naturalness about you.
Accessories: When a guy's belt matches his shoes, I am turned on instantly. For women, accessories can be a girl's best friend. Putting on a simple necklace, bracelet and earrings always dresses up any outfit.
Fragrances: An huge turn off is wearing too much cologne, so keep the fragrances to a minimum. I like to spray perfume on my clothes, because it makes the scent linger longer. There are scents that naturally attract the opposite sex.
Don't Forget Your Manners
Sometimes, it's easy to forget or not realize that little things might come off as being rude. It's important to mind what you do, as well as what comes out of your mouth. Use these tips to make sure you don't offend your date in any way.
Table manners: Eat with your mouth closed, fold your napkin on your lap, control your belching level, and don't pig out. A huge turn on for women is when a guy pulls out the chair for them. Another is waiting to eat until both plates of food are on the table. Keep these basic behaviors in mind.
Constantly checking your phone: Pulling out your cell and texting for prolonged times can make your date feel like you're bored with them. Refrain from staring at the screen the entire date, but if you must use your phone, excuse yourself first.
Drinking too much: Keep your alcoholic beverages at a 2 drink maximum. First off, you don't want to come off as a person who needs liquid courage to carry a date. Secondly, you don't want to start slurring your words or end up being obnoxious the first time you meet someone.
Swearing like a sailor: Cussing can be so unattractive coming from a stranger. Curse words can also bring negative energy, so stay away from dropping too many F-bombs.
Inviting your friends: If it's a first date, you probably should leave your friends at home. The first time you're meeting someone, it should be a one on one thing.
Keep your eyes on the prize: A lot of people flirt unknowingly, and it's hard to realize that you might be eye fucking someone without. Make sure you don't check out other women, or flirt with the waiter or bartender in front of your date.
As mentioned earlier, first dates can be nerve-wrecking. But don't EVER forget that you're an awesome person, which is why the person agreed to go on this date with you in the first place. Take pride in who you are, and show the best parts of your personality.
Confidence: This is not to be mixed with being cocky or arrogant. No one wants to be around a snobby person for long, but everyone admires a person with confidence. Don't second guess yourself, even if you are feeling that way in your head. When you project a confident attitude it shows that you believe in yourself, and makes others believe in you. giphy.com
Stay positive: Keep the conversation light, and don't bring up negative topics. We all know that ISIS beheadings are at an all-time high, but bringing up serious topics can be a HUGE buzz kill. Stick to more conversational topics by discussing favorite books, travel spots, bucket list plans, etc.
Make eye contact: It's awkward to stare someone down. But it's even more awkward to not glance up and look someone directly in their eye, especially when you are talking to them. People who make more eye contact are perceived more trustworthy, so make sure to use plenty of it.
Be honest: Never pretend to be someone you're not, it's too draining. This doesn't mean you have to disclose every facet of your life, because you do want to leave some mystery to you. But be honest about what your intentions are, and what you're really about.
Body language: Your body language says more about who you are and what you are thinking more than anything that comes out of your mouth. Folding your arms, may be harmless to you, but says to others that you are defensive. Keep your head high, look straight ahead, and walk with purpose.
Smile: You're never fully dressed without a smile! Flashing those pearly whites releases endorphins that will make you feel happier. Not only will smiling and laughing make your date feel at ease, but there's also some health benefits to it too.
Huge Deal Breakers And Mistakes
I know that this seems kinda like preparing for a job interview, but think of a first date as a relationship interview. You have to sell yourself, and doing any of these habits can be an instant deal breaker.
Bringing up the Ex: Of course it's OK to disclose the last time you were in relationship, but going on in lengthy detail about your ex is uncomfortable to anyone (especially when you talk bad about them). Stay away from story-telling about past relationships.
Being rude to the server/bartender: Unless the waiter is a complete jerk to you, treating them like crap only shows your date that you aren't a polite person. Be patience, because how you treat others reflects back on you.
Talking too much: Don't be a mute, but at the same time don't be an incessant chatterbox. Pass the talking stick from time to time to your date. Also, PLEASE stay away from bragging about yourself. imgur.com
Asking personal questions: If there is a second date, you will get another opportunity to pry into someone's life. Asking if they have kids is fine, but asking what their bra size is, or their religious views? No.
Using pet names: Terms of endearment are flattering, but using them too early can scare off anyone. Don't constantly call someone baby or babe. It comes off as a bit clingy aka psycho.
Sharing too much: Don't invite others to your pity party. I know you've been dying to tell people about your personal problems, but seriously the first time meeting them is not the place for that.
Bringing up finances: Whether you are rich or poor, it's really not your date's business. Never discuss your financial situation initially, it just makes you come off as either snobby or as a complainer. vipgif.com
Constantly correcting someone: Even if you know your date might be confused about certain things, constantly pointing out their mistakes is unnecessary. Don't try to make others feel stupid or one up them, because it's really not worth the time.
Getting drunk: This was mentioned earlier, but I feel like it should be stressed again because it's something I have repeatedly done. Past experiences have taught me that getting wasted in front of someone you just met doesn't bid the best first impression. You should have your wits about you at all times, because you don't want to come off as vulnerable.
Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu: Getting premium drinks might be your style, but if you are expecting to run up someone's tab without offering to chip in? Now, that's just trashy. Save that for the second date! Which leads us to the next section.
After The Date
If everything goes as smoothly as you could hope for, you don't want to leave a bad taste in your date's mouth and blow what you've worked hard for up until this point. Take these tips into consideration, when you are wrapping up things.
Ladies should offer to split the bill: I know it sounds crazy! 66% of women, will offer to pay the full bill, but still hope that their date will pick up the tab. 96% of gentleman won't let you pay, but if he does, it could be a good indicator that you may not want to go out with him again. If I plan on never seeing the guy again, I'll demand to pay my part of the bill as a clue that I have zero interest.
Kissing too soon: There's kind of a moment where you both look into each other eyes, and you know you want to lock lips. Watch for this moment, before trying to shove your tongue down someone's throat. If you do find yourself sharing a kiss, keep it short, making your date want more.
Remember that small things count: If you are dropping her off, make sure to open the car door for her and get out of your car to give them a hug and say goodbye. Make sure you don't drive off without making sure that they are safely inside their place. This isn't something you need to do every single time, but on the first date it shows some class.
Inviting them inside: No matter how well the date goes, don't rush anything. Don't invite them over to see your house because it will seem like something you do often. Get to know if a person is worthy enough for you to share your home with, before letting them inside.
Jumping into bed together: If you truly feel like this is a person that you will see again, there is no rush to be intimate. Having sex on a first date might lead to a relationship, but most likely it won't. If you really want to make a person feel special, making them wait to have the most intimate part of you will give them the chance to earn it, which is much more rewarding. If you don't think you will want to continue seeing this person, but you are attracted to them and want to hook up casually make sure you tell them of your intentions, so they don't feel used.
Texting/calling afterwards: I usually wait until the next day to text a guy that I want to see again, thanking them for a pleasant time. Not only is it the polite thing to do, but it tells them that you appreciate their effort. Usually by their response, you will know if they are interested in seeing you again.
Knowing that someone is just as excited as you are about seeing you a second time is pretty gratifying. Hopefully keeping these tips in mind will help you snag that second date with that person you're into and want to get to know more about! The most important thing to do is be yourself. Plus, you can be way more loosened up the second time around. Pretty freakin' exciting, right?
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